The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
