I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
