After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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