Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Randomize
