I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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