Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
