My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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