Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
