I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
