I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
