Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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