My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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