I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
