I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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