She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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