What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
