waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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