My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
