She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
