I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
