I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
