What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
