soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
