dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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