My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am naked and annoyed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
