He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The cops high fived after they tackled you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
