I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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