So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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