you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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