So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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