Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Too much gin, very little bucket
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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