when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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