i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
