shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
