I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
