We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
