Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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