I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
