well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
