Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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