i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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