I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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