Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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