We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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