I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
