my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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