My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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