please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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