His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
