You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
