Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
