Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
