I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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