ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
