Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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