how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
