no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!