my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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