Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.