we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS