she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?