i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.