i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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