I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
