Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
