my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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