:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
