Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
