pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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