Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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