he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
