i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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