Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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