I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
