You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
